Well, that was easily the most absurd day I’ve spent in a long, long time. Wedding cake decorating now equates to tedious and ridiculous in my book..
Picture decorating a styrofoam block, which we are using instead of real cake. First step is to put a very even 1/2 cm layer of buttercream icing on, and make it perfectly smooth, and perfectly straight edged. Three tiers, mind you, so repeat the process times three with strict instructions to get it absolutely PERFECT.
Is this an easy process? Clearly to some, as noted we have some very experienced cake decorators in class, but for novices, OMG. You get it nearly right, then the last turn around on the turntable pulls off a patch of buttercream and so you add more, smooth – and make some more defects. Then eventually, many turns and patching later you get the sides straight and clean, and the right depth. So you progress to smoothing and perfectly flattening the top, and then there is a rim around the top so you smooth the side again to sharpen the edge and yep, another defect. Many moons and curses later, and reworking of the Italian buttercream to make it spreadable, you finally put the finished masterpiece in the fridge and when you take it out for the next step, discover that someone has hit your cake with their tray and left a ridge on the top….
So the novices in the class, clearly visible as they are four steps behind (this week’s partner is an expert so sailed through), STRUGGLE through the tiers (nearly both types, ha ha – and had the window been able to open, I’d happily have hurled it through). At least I’m not the only dunce in this activity – and not the worst, astonishingly, but the chasm between us and those who are very experienced is vast…..Then we are called up front to learn how to apply fondant. That looks even worse, and fussier, especially as I’m still on tier one…. Dread starts to build. Then they start talking about decorating the middle tier, by a quilting type process – apply pattern imprint like the stitching on a quilt, take wheel and go over the intricate pattern by hand all the way around to make it more prominent, and then, the piece de resistance – apply tiny white “pearls” at the base of each diamond all the way around. About – ?80 tiny pearl decorations, by hand, without tweezers. At this point, the absurdity hit my funny bone and I just burst out laughing…. The fact I didn’t sleep well last night might have been a factor but applying all those teeny tiny pearls that I could barely see, let alone apply, just surpassed the ridiculous factor for me. Fortunately the instructor took it well and the class had a “moment”. I noted through my uncontrollable laughter that quite a few people joined in; I was definitely not alone in detesting this module.
Suffice it to say my “cake” will be plain sided, as the quilting was optional – no way in this lifetime am I doing that – and I can safely say I am unlikely to be making my living decorating wedding cakes. The fondant application turned out to be easier than expected, so at least one step was less difficult than predicted. More detailed decorating to look forward to tomorrow – at this point we have a three tiered marvel which I can hardly wait to be shot of. Only half a day more on wedding cakes tomorrow TG and then we switch to sugar decorating and our sugar “showpiece” (that word was mentioned and evokes horror after the chocolate showpiece) is to decorate the top of the wedding cake. I am full of fear for tomorrow…..
So, pah to those interesting and unknown implements we started with this a.m. They are vessels of torture! I intensely dislike the taste of fondant in any case so my conclusion is – pecan pie at the wedding, thank you very much.